X: How to resolved the matter of longevity
Lailonia Long ago, a small kingdom bordered Gorgol. Long ago - you ask - and today? That was it! Today, this limit has ceased to exist, and the reasons for the strange events that led to the destruction of the kingdom of Gorgol, preserved in the annals laiłońskich that seem aware of the story. In Gorgol ruled in his time a very wise king Hanuka. It was truly a benevolent ruler, who of all the forces would contribute to the happiness of his subjects, and the thing is at that time was infrequent. Hanuka King came to the conclusion that in the State of Gorgol people live too short and decided in some way to fix this. He thought that if the brightest minds in the country will call for help, it certainly manages to develop measures that will enable all people to live much longer than hitherto before.
lonely at the top of the tower in the city lived Pambruk astrologer Majoli. It was a great champion of the world's most knowledgeable on the stars. On the day of sleep and spent nights at the telescope and studied the stars. He had three students who are educated under the direction of the eminent astrologers and also gave quite a few favors to people studying the movements of the stars and watching everything that was happening in the sky. One of those students named Dronk, worked at night, with an eye to the other telescopes przylepionym, tracking movements of the stars. Two the other, bearing the names of Mino and Klepo, worked in the day. These, in turn, studied the sky during the day, particularly the sun and clouds. Astrologer Majoli and his pupil Dronk worked so last night, while the Mino and Klepo studies conducted during the day, and therefore not seeing your side, because I always consist, that when the first two were at work, two others were asleep, and vice versa. (It should be pointed out that in the realm of Gorgol day and night, never occurred together; when it was day, night had not yet come, and before the night is gone, day would not occur. This order was already in the country and no one managed to change that.)
Hanuka Well, the king thought that the astrologer Majoli, along with his disciples, he can can tell how all the inhabitants of the kingdom to ensure longevity. He told them to study on this issue and promised generous salary. Astrologer Majoli, who pochlebiła, of course, asked the king, he ordered all his disciples initiate appropriate tests and has promised that at least seven years will provide all the necessary messages. In contrast, Gorgol lived a famous doctor named Ipo. This had two students - Ramo and Najna. They were really great scholars, who knew how to deal with all diseases. They spent the bottom of the tables full of various bottles, tubes, rings and other instruments and using the arts known only to himself constantly inventing new drugs that uzdrawiały even the most severe patients. To them also asked the King to request Hanuka, to have developed some measures for longevity, a medic Ipo readily agreed to the royal command, had in fact that when he is able to prolong the life of all people, will gain so much recognition and fame, becoming the second person of the king throughout the country. However, he said that he must also have seven years to their studies, which will run along with two students.
Yes Thus, four astrologers and three medics took the hard work, as a result of which, after seven years, they reveal people the means of prolonging life. Seven years is a lot-but so much work had to be really at least as much time. Hanuka King had also claim to scholars, he knew that the less time they could not make the work of such measures. Seven years is a lot - but even seven years at the end of one day passes. It has been a significant - exactly seven years. On the appointed day the king's great theater was full of guests, the elite of the country arrived to the sensational Assembly: seven scholars have presented their results to ensure the longevity of people. Installed loudspeakers in the city that all residents of the capital, who could not fit in the theater, can immediately listen to speeches. Because the king was very Hanuka benevolent ruler. So when the king announced the appearance of an astrologer Majoli, applause rang out in the theater. The great astrologer came to the tribune, postarzały for seven years and gave a short speech, where he gave the main results of their studies.
- invented a way to extend the life of all people six times, once said Majoli, a murmur of recognition sailed across the room as the wind. A simple and inexpensive - continued - and at the same time reliable. Namely, built a clock that moves six times faster than currently used watches. Suppose that according to ancient reckoning of time we come here next year. During this time, according to a new watch, it will be not one year but for six years. If anyone has to die, for example, ten years, he will die, in fact, for sixty years. A child born today, who would survive sixty years, they really will live three hundred and sixty. Do I have to explain all the benefits of my system? Everyone sees that the longevity issue is resolved!
Astrologer Majoli, having said so much, he stroked his beard and sat down. Part of the room wildly applauded his speech until the moment when the astrologer Dronk with a mean smile came the grandstand.
- I'm sorry, gentlemen - said the astrologer Dronk - that I am forced to take action against wywodom my venerable teacher Majoli. However, the system proposed by him is not suitable, according to my research, nothing. Clocks will go faster, it's true, but so what? One hour will remain one hour, even if the clock passed at that time six hours. My system does not resort to such tricks. My system will provide very long life for all inhabitants of the kingdom along with the reigning king najmiłościwiej Hanukiem us. And here in a nutshell the essence of this system: the gods have appointed to every man the day and hour of birth and death, therefore we, the books are to be obedient life, we will measure time differently. I built a clock which, in contrast to the futile and ridiculous clock my teacher is moving six times slower than the clocks used today. I drew up the calendar, which will tear only one card for six days. The the prescribed date and time, in which every man must leave the earth to enter the kingdom of shadows will fall, in fact, six times later than it would be according to the present reckoning of time. Everyone will live as long as foreseen in the book of life, which can not be changed, while everyone will live, in fact, six times longer. Here's my system, gentlemen!
Astrologer Dronk sat down, a part of the room again, loudly applauded his speech. Waited for the next speaker.
learned astrologer Mino now started his lecture.
- Gentlemen - he said - they could to see that arguments speakers are pointless. Astrologer Dronk you already showed that the system is inept astrologer Majoli. But his system is just as stupid and, indeed, blasphemous, because the project is to cheat the gods. The gods, however, the trick will not give, and you, gentlemen, never comes to mind, to make the work so perverse. My system is completely different. It is not about to on the clock or calendar time passed slowly, the idea is to follow a slower really. 'How do I? Very simple. Every morning a new sun emerges on the horizon behind the forest and killed every week on the horizon on the other side, sinking in the sea. This must change. Where the sun emerges from the east, you have to send the spiders to the networks, who can reach up to the horizon and the forest, the place where the sun rises, the nets holding the sun and not letting his Emergence. On the other side, at sea, will keep watch fishermen with their nets, who the previous day the sun will not fall into the water. Calculates the time of this work in such a way that lasted six days and six times longer times longer than it was night. Just our life, which always includes a certain number of days and nights, will be extended six times. Here, gentlemen, an appropriate system for extending the life!
Co. said, he sat down. And again, a storm of applause broke out in parts of the room when the rest of the room seemed reluctant murmurs. The last of the astrologers, Klepo, there is now with its proposal.
- I feel sorry for you, gentlemen - he - that each new project, which so far have heard, appeared to be even stupider than the previous one. Pause the sun on the run? Agreed, but why would prolong life? We will live as long as before, except that in our lives will be six times less days and nights, and for that they will be six times longer. No, gentlemen, these projects can be used only for this to disturb you in the head. But you yourself in your head does not disturb the date, right? Finally, I present to you the way, which is based on real deep study and has nothing in common with the deluded tricks of my predecessors. In examining the issue of longevity, I made the first effort of finding out why people live so short.
discovered the cause and I am ready to unveil it in front of you. And here is the secret of our krótkowieczności: people bored. Boring in the world, gentlemen, here we die. To live longer, you need to make the world ceased to be boring. But why exactly is it boring? This is the reason: the world is boring, because the sky is always the same color. Meanwhile, the sky is such a huge part of the view that we can embrace the vision that the uniformity of the cloth, obviously, that hangs over us, we must attach a relentless boredom. We live a short, gentlemen, because the sky has only one color. But it is the council. We will send balloons to heaven, where workers sit with barrels and sikawkami. The barrels instead of water there will be different colors. To get to heaven, the workers let go in motion and sprinkler repaint the ceiling blue to six different colors. One part will be blue, while the other one will carmine, another celadon, another black, yet the next yellow, silver and finally last. Rather than be bored watching the same color forever and quickly die of boredom, you'll enjoy the view of the sky and sześciobarwnego through this life we \u200b\u200bgrow six times their length. Here, gentlemen, my idea, which, I believe in your eyes will gain the recognition it deserves.
Some listeners did not hesitate this time to demonstrate their sympathy for the bold live project astrologer. Ovation lasted but a short time, because I was trained on the new grandstand. This time it was a famous physician Ipo, who said:
- listened to here, gentlemen, such an amount absurdities that would not surprise me at all, if you leave the room now tired, which does not expect to hear any reasonable sentence. But, gentlemen, I beg you to be patient, because these are your longevity, and therefore a question of which instruments do you have to translate. But I solved this problem, solved it, I hope, once and for all. In carrying out its research, thought about it that the longest living creatures in order to determine what measures it owes to longevity. It turned that the longest living animal is a turtle. Yes, gentlemen, turtle live six times longer than humans. And what does the turtle? He wears a shell, crawling along the ground slowly, and wags its tail in moderate sizes. What do people do to live longer? To become like turtles! Here is my way, you will understand the benefits and ease right away. We must, gentlemen, now immediately obtain the large shells, appropriate to our size, no longer walk on two legs and get used to to creep slowly on all fours, you must, then, season with the tails and waving them in moderate amounts. Easy to get used to this life, especially when the target is so sublime we prevailed. Believe me, gentlemen, it is the only answer to our problem.
Cheers and applause began again, with part of the room, and already here Najna doctor raised his hand as a sign that will speak.
- Gentlemen, we could evaluate all the misery of the project, which, I am ashamed to say you have just presented my dear teacher, Ipo. He wants us to turn into turtles, the mindless quadruped creeping along the ground! We have to be animals, gentlemen! Who can we submit something similar, if not previously turned himself into an animal! But zarzućmy veil of silence on this unsavory incident, forgetting about it as much as a wynurzeniach astrologers, which were delivered here, a I'm not being of unsound mind. You want to know the secrets of longevity, after all! I may say without boasting that I met this mystery and be surprised to hear just how easy and how little is required from you. Contained in one word: spinach! Yes, gentlemen, spinach! My research, conducted diligently and selflessly for seven years, proved conclusively that you have to eat much, very much spinach, and force all of us will be renewed without limit. It was spinach make our bones are hard, and the muscles will not wiotczały, he will strengthen our heart, He will cure us from baldness and rheumatism. Spinach, spinach and spinach again! From now on, rather than sow our grain fields, we will accumulate on them great heaps of spinach, which turn green mile our tables, restoring all the health and long life. How can a simple gentlemen Nourish ourselves just spinach, and thus solve our major problems.
enthusiastic uproar raised in a part of the hall and the voices of "spinach, spinach! "were heard from all sides. But here stood on the rostrum last speaker, medic Ramo. His hands shook with indignation when the speech began, but calmed down quickly.
- Make no mistake gentlemen - he said - assuming that these insulting mockery - because the only way to call it - jakieśmy heard from my previous speakers, we treat as the only deserve, that is, not to mention them at all not a word. Indeed, gentlemen, if you happened to see how babies spinach refer to this food? Turn away in disgust from this dish and you have to force them to eat healthy because nature tells them that any use not take the consumption of this disgusting weed. Ha, ha, spinach! I'd tell you something more about it, but then we talk about longevity! So do not waste their time, even knowing that time we will soon have in abundance. We'll have it in abundance, I repeat, if only to comply with the radical center, zapewniającego długowieczność, a odkrytego przeze mnie po długich dociekaniach i doświadczeniach. Prostota tego środka przewyższa wszystko, co można sobie wyobrazić. Otóż zdradzę wam, panowie, tajemnicę długowieczności. Ludzie giną zbyt wcześnie dlatego, że często chorują na katar. Katar - oto główne źródło krótkości naszego żywota! Katar, jak wiecie, jest to choroba nosa. I tu od razu nasuwa wam się rozwiązanie: gdzie nie ma nosa, nie może być również kataru. Panowie, jakież to proste! Ucinamy we all noses, in this way once and for all get rid of a cold, and thus we have ensured a long life. Cut off their noses, I say, noses cut off!
Saying this, Rama took out a razor medic and wanted to show how best to cut off his nose, he could not, however, because the audience there arose a tumult and turmoil, which soon turned into a common fight. Only now it turned out that the hall was divided into camps. Some shouted: "Spinach," Other "swift watches!" Others have "free watches!" Others "noses cut off!" And so, supporters of each of the proposed measures of longevity began to yell at each other and started a fight in which even the voice of the King Hanuka, calling for repentance, was drowned in the universal uproar. Moreover, all the speeches were already known throughout the city, where he heard them through megaphones. At one time the capital was equally divided into seven political parties, as the participants gather in the theater and the fight has become widespread. That day the civil war gripped the country. Seven factions fought each other mercilessly. It was interesting that proponents of cutting off the noses ran brzytwami, trying to cut off the nose of whom may be from opposing camps, but they did not manage to lop the nose and have it all in place.
struggle has become widespread. Gorgol anywhere in the country was even seven people, from the smallest village battle erupted. The case was yet reported, all people want to be długowieczni and it is not surprising that there are so fiercely in defense of this case. So often, for example, someone walking down the street, shouting, "spinach, spinach, and immediately threw up on him a few other with cries of" paint the sky "," noses cut off! "," Turtles "," quick watches! " "sun" and took it in turns. But as soon as they finished, began to fight among themselves and took so until only one left on the square, surrounded by fallen opponents. Longevity is not a trivial matter. In fact, as a result of fierce wars, melted in all ranks of the warring camps. The various factions, finally became so numerous that began to include alliances between them and tied their passwords after two or three at a time. So now the password double shouted: "Watches and spinach", "paint the sky and noses cut off!", "Tortoise and the sun!"
Knight fight dragged on until the entire kingdom Gorgol there were only two people. They were the medic and the medic Najna Ramo, former leaders of two of the warring factions. They met on the ruins of the capital city, exhausted by war, słaniający on his feet. They looked at each other with hostility, a grown hoarse voice whispered, "spinach". The second thin squeaked: "noses cut off." But I no longer had the strength to fight with each other. They were, moreover, the only surviving inhabitants of the kingdom of Gorgol. Therefore, they decided in accordance with, that will stop the war and try out their both measures simultaneously. Quickly cut off the noses and sat down on a big bowl of spinach. They were sluggish and discouraged, but in the end is really a matter of longevity are extremely important. Frankly, we do not know what happened afterwards. It is not known how long the two survivors were seated without a nose Gorgol over the bowl with spinach. In truth, it is not certain whether or not sit on it yet, especially if any of these measures proved effective and very prolonged their lives. But Gorgol kingdom ceased to exist, because what is this kingdom, gdzie jest tylko dwóch obywateli z uciętymi nosami, jedzących szpinak?
W ten sposób granica między Lailonią a królestwem Gorgola przestała istnieć. Sprawa długowieczności nie została ostatecznie rozstrzygnięta na skutek całkowitego upadku królestwa Gorgola. Nie jest jednak wykluczone, że kiedyś uda się wreszcie rozwiązać ten problem, nad którym biedziło się siedmiu tak wybitnych uczonych.
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